Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of November, 2019

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young man from East Lizes Whose balls were of...
There was a young man from East Lizes Whose balls were of two different sizes One was so small It was no ball at all The other was large and won prizes.

A little word of doubtful number, A foe to rest and peaceful...
A little word of doubtful number, A foe to rest and peaceful slumber. If you add an "s" to this, Great is the metamorphosis. Plural is plural now no more, And sweet what bitter was before. What am I?

"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big...
"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to...
A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea. -- John Ciardi

I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because...
I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a desk. Then I saw her. This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor. She rolled her deep blue eyes towards me. I picked them up and rolled...

Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood...
Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood. -- Louise Beal

Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if...
Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.

Unfortunately, most programmers like to play with new toys...
Unfortunately, most programmers like to play with new toys. I have many friends who, immediately upon buying a snakebite kit, would be tempted to throw the first person they see to the ground, tie the tourniquet on him, slash him with the knife,...