Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of April, 2019

A princess who lived near a bog Met a prince in the form of...
A princess who lived near a bog Met a prince in the form of a frog. Now she and her prince Are the parents of quints, Four boys and one fine polliwog.

A weary old lecher named Blott Took a luscious young blond...
A weary old lecher named Blott Took a luscious young blond to his yacht. Too lazy to rape her, He made darts out of paper, Which he leisurely tossed at her twat.

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There once was a man with a hernia Who said to his doctor,...
There once was a man with a hernia Who said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya, When you work on my middle Be sure you don't fiddle With things that do not concern ya."

There was a young harlot from Kew Who filled her vagina with...
There was a young harlot from Kew Who filled her vagina with glue. She said with a grin, "If they pay to get in, They'll pay to get out of it too."

There was a young monk in Siberia, Whose morals were very...
There was a young monk in Siberia, Whose morals were very inferior, He jumped on a nun Which he shouldn't have done, And now she's a Mother Superior.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master...
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.

Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by...
Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none...
[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. -- Winston Churchill