Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Friday March 31, 2017

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

There once was a dentist named Stone Who saw all his patients...
There once was a dentist named Stone Who saw all his patients alone. In a fit of depravity He filled the wrong cavity, And my, how his practice has grown!

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young poet named Dan, Whose poetry never would...
There was a young poet named Dan, Whose poetry never would scan. When told this was so, He said, "Yes, I know, It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."

Good evening, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became...
Good evening, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois, on January 11th, nineteen hundred ninety-five. My supervisor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you would like, I could...

A Scholar asked his Master, "Master, would you advise...
A Scholar asked his Master, "Master, would you advise me of a proper vocation?" The Master replied, "Some men can earn their keep with the power of their minds. Others must use their strong backs, legs and hands. This is the same...