Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of May, 2019

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

The STAR WARS Song Sung to the tune...
The STAR WARS Song Sung to the tune of "Lola", by the Kinks: I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah Where it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda S-O-D-A soda I saw the little runt sitting there on a log I asked him...

A grammarian's life is always intense.
A grammarian's life is always intense.

A fisherman off of Cape Cod Said, "I'll bugger that tuna,...
A fisherman off of Cape Cod Said, "I'll bugger that tuna, by God!" But the high-minded fish Resented his wish, And nimbly swam off with his rod.

A gift was delivered to Laura From a cousin who lived...
A gift was delivered to Laura From a cousin who lived in Gomorrah; Wrapped in tissue and crepe, It was peeled, like a grape, And emitted a pale, greenish aura. -- Edward Gorey

A lad of the brainier kind Had erogenous zones in his mind...
A lad of the brainier kind Had erogenous zones in his mind. He got his sensations, By solving equations, (Of course, in the end, he went blind.)

A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than...
A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Enough food for a week. I'm darned if I know how the helican.

A wonderful tribe are the Sweenies, Renowned for the length...
A wonderful tribe are the Sweenies, Renowned for the length of their peenies. The hair on their balls Sweeps the floors of their halls, But they don't look at women, the meanies.

There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young...
There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young girls while confirming 'em. As they knelt on the hassock He lifted his cassock And slipped his episcopal worm in 'em.