Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Saturday May 4, 2019

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There once was a young man from Yuma Who attempted sex with...
There once was a young man from Yuma Who attempted sex with a puma He gave up real quick Minus nose, toes, and prick In obvious pain and ill huma.

There was a young lady of Twickenham Who thought men had...
There was a young lady of Twickenham Who thought men had not enough prick in 'em. On her knees every day To God she would pray To lengthen and strengthen and thicken 'em.

Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can...
Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.

I'm So Miserable Without You It's Almost Like Having You Here ...
I'm So Miserable Without You It's Almost Like Having You Here -- Song title by Stephen Bishop. She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft -- Song title by Jerry Reed. When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room Will I...