Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of February, 2019

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

There was a young lady of Kent, Who admitted she knew what...
There was a young lady of Kent, Who admitted she knew what it meant When men asked her to dine, And plied her with wine, She knew, oh she knew -- but she went!

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

Tobacco is a filthy weed, That from the devil does proceed;...
Tobacco is a filthy weed, That from the devil does proceed; It drains your purse, it burns your clothes, And makes a chimney of your nose. -- B. Waterhouse

A cabin boy on an old clipper Grew steadily flipper...
A cabin boy on an old clipper Grew steadily flipper and flipper. He plugged up his ass With fragments of glass And thus circumcised his old skipper.

A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis Wished to foster an aura...
A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis Wished to foster an aura of menace. To make people afraid He wore gloves of grey suede And white footgear intended for tennis. -- Edward Gorey, "Amphigorey"

A gift was delivered to Laura From a cousin who lived...
A gift was delivered to Laura From a cousin who lived in Gomorrah; Wrapped in tissue and crepe, It was peeled, like a grape, And emitted a pale, greenish aura. -- Edward Gorey

A hacker who screwed a mag tape Was caught and convicted...
A hacker who screwed a mag tape Was caught and convicted of rape. To jail he did go, From which, to his woe He couldn't get out with ESC.

A lady from Kalamazoo Once found she had nothing to do, ...
A lady from Kalamazoo Once found she had nothing to do, So she sat on the stairs And she counted her hairs: 4,302.

A lady from Old Little Rock In fidelity took little stock, ...
A lady from Old Little Rock In fidelity took little stock, And deserted her man In the streets of Japan For a boy with a prehensile cock.