Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday January 19, 2007

A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.

George Bernard Shaw once sent two tickets to the opening night...
George Bernard Shaw once sent two tickets to the opening night of one of his plays to Winston Churchill with the following note: "Bring a friend, if you have one." Churchill wrote back, returning the two tickets and excused himself...

Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and...
Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman can probably drive! -- Joan McGalliard (jem@latcs1.oz.au)

Q: How can I choose what groups to post in? ... Q: How about...
Q: How can I choose what groups to post in? ... Q: How about an example? A: Ok. Let's say you want to report that Gretzky has been traded from the Oilers to the Kings. Now right away you might think rec.sport.hockey would be enough. WRONG. Many...

Q: I cant spell worth a dam. I hope your going too tell...
Q: I cant spell worth a dam. I hope your going too tell me what to do? A: Don't worry about how your articles look. Remember it's the message that counts, not the way it's presented. Ignore the fact that sloppy spelling in a purely written forum...

Q: Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars...
Q: Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars. What should I do? A: Post the correct answer at once! We can't have people go on believing that! Very good of you to spot this. You'll probably be the only one to make the correction,...

Q: They just announced on the radio that Dan Quayle was picked...
Q: They just announced on the radio that Dan Quayle was picked as the Republican V.P. candidate. Should I post? A: Of course. The net can reach people in as few as 3 to 5 days. It's the perfect way to inform people about such news events long after...

What did Mickey Mouse get for Christmas? A Dan Quayle...
What did Mickey Mouse get for Christmas? A Dan Quayle watch. -- heard from a Mike Dukakis field worker

The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.

Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned...
Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!" "Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux...

Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin'...
Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin' is gone. -- John Cougar, "Jack and Diane"