Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday August 14, 2014

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young man of Madras Whose balls were constructed...
There was a young man of Madras Whose balls were constructed of brass. When jangled together They played "Stormy Weather", And lightning shot out of his ass.

"Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!" ...
"Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!" -- Bill Gates, 1981 "Windows 95 needs at least 8 MB RAM." -- Bill Gates, 1996 "Nobody will ever need Windows 95." ...

That's life. What's life? A magazine. How much does...
That's life. What's life? A magazine. How much does it cost? Two-fifty. I only have a dollar. That's life.