Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday April 21, 2015

" I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe...
" I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still ..." -- Steven Wright

"... I should explain that I was wearing a black velvet...
"... I should explain that I was wearing a black velvet cape that was supposed to make me look like the dashing, romantic Zorro but which actually made me look like a gigantic bat wearing glasses ..." -- Dave Barry, "The...

A maiden who wrote of big cities Some songs full of love,...
A maiden who wrote of big cities Some songs full of love, fun and pities, Sold her stuff at the shop Of a musical wop Who played with her soft little titties.

A new dramatist of the absurd Has a voice that will shortly...
A new dramatist of the absurd Has a voice that will shortly be heard. I learn from my spies He's about to devise An unprintable three-letter word.

There once was a hacker named Ken Who inherited truckloads...
There once was a hacker named Ken Who inherited truckloads of Yen. So he built him some chicks, Of silicon chips, And hasn't been heard from since then.

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.