Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday April 27, 2015

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts...
The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape...

There once was a girl named Louise Who cunt hair hung down...
There once was a girl named Louise Who cunt hair hung down to her knees The crabs in her twat Tied the hairs in a knot And constructed a flying trapeze

There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years...
There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years for his chance; Then he muffed it...

There was a young girl of Batonger who diddled herself with...
There was a young girl of Batonger who diddled herself with a conger, When asked how it feels To be pleasured by eels She said, "Just like a man, only longer.

A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe's...
A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe's bar for some time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender. One evening, emboldened by hunger, the feline attempted to follow Gabe through the back door...

Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first...
Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad. -- William Shakespeare, "Kind John"

Nature to all things fixed the limits fit, And wisely curbed...
Nature to all things fixed the limits fit, And wisely curbed proud man's pretending wit. As on the land while here the ocean gains, In other parts it leaves wide sandy plains; Thus in the soul while memory prevails, The solid power of understanding...