Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday April 23, 2015

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There was a young dolly named Molly Who thought that to frig...
There was a young dolly named Molly Who thought that to frig was a folly. Said she, "Your pee-pee Means nothing to me, But I'll do it just to be jolly."

There was a young fellow called Clyde Who fell in an outhouse...
There was a young fellow called Clyde Who fell in an outhouse and died. He had a twin brother Who fell in another So now they're interred side by side.

There was an old man of St. Bees, Who was stung in the arm by...
There was an old man of St. Bees, Who was stung in the arm by a wasp. When asked, "Does it hurt?" He relied, "No, it doesn't. I'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet."

There was an old man of St. Bees, Who was stung in the arm by...
There was an old man of St. Bees, Who was stung in the arm by a wasp. When asked, "Does it hurt?" He relied, "No, it doesn't. I'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet." -- W.S. Gilbert

Q: Why did the programmer call his mother long...
Q: Why did the programmer call his mother long distance? A: Because that was her name.