Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday May 13, 2015

From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed...
From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed for miles. Said the rector, "My gracious, Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles!?"

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There was an old hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in...
There was an old hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave. He said "I'll admit I'm a bit of a shit, But look at the money I save."

All things being equal, you lose. All things being in your...
All things being equal, you lose. All things being in your favor, you still lose.

If an idea can survive a bureacratic review and be implemented,...
If an idea can survive a bureacratic review and be implemented, it wasn't worth doing.

In any organization there will always be one person who knows...
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.
Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.

The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never...
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.

AMAZING BUT TRUE ... There is so much sand in Northern...
AMAZING BUT TRUE ... There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.

'Twas midnight on the ocean, Her children all were...
'Twas midnight on the ocean, Her children all were orphans, Not a streetcar was in sight, Except one a tiny tot, So I stepped into a cigar store Who had a home across the way To ask them for a light. Above...