Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday October 2, 2018

"I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste,...
"I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway." -- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate,...

"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends...
"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." ...

"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps...
"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean." -- G. K. Chesterton

"I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat." ...
"I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat." -- Will Rogers

There was a young man of Calcutta, Who tried to write...
There was a young man of Calcutta, Who tried to write "cunt" on a shutter. When he got to c-u, A pious Hindoo Knocked him ass-over-head in the gutter.

There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different...
There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different sizes. His tool when at ease, Hung down to his knees, Oh, what must it be when it rises!

This is the story of the bee Whose sex is very hard to see...
This is the story of the bee Whose sex is very hard to see You cannot tell the he from the she But she can tell, and so can he The little bee is never still She has no time to take the pill And that is why, in times like these There are so many sons...