Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday November 29, 2019

I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because...
I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a desk. Then I saw her. This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor. She rolled her deep blue eyes towards me. I picked them up and rolled...

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it...
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to...

The limerick, a verse form iniquitous, Has nonetheless been...
The limerick, a verse form iniquitous, Has nonetheless been ubiquitous. Once Congress in session, Declared its suppression, But people got around that by writing the last line with no rhyme or meter.

There was a young Scot in Madrid Who got fifty-five fucks for...
There was a young Scot in Madrid Who got fifty-five fucks for a quid. When they said, "Are you faint?" He replied, "No, I ain't, But I don't feel as good as I did."

There was a young man with a fiddle Who asked of his girl,...
There was a young man with a fiddle Who asked of his girl, "Do you diddle?" She replied, "Yes, I do, But prefer to with two -- It's twice as much fun in the middle."

There was a young monk from Siberia Whose life got drearia'...
There was a young monk from Siberia Whose life got drearia' and drearia' Till he did to a nun What shouldn't be done And made her a mother superia'.

There was a young peasant named Gorse Who fell madly in love...
There was a young peasant named Gorse Who fell madly in love with his horse. Said his wife, "You rapscallion, That horse is a stallion -- This constitutes grounds for divorce."

There was a young plumber named Lee Who was plumbing his girl...
There was a young plumber named Lee Who was plumbing his girl by the sea. She said, "Stop your plumbing, There's somebody coming" Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."

There was a young sailor from Brighton, Who remarked to...
There was a young sailor from Brighton, Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one." She replied, "'Pon my soul, You're in the wrong hole; There's plenty of room in the right one."