Freebsd Fortunes 6

There seems no plan because it is all plan.
                -- C.S. Lewis

There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."
                -- C.S. Lewis, "The Chronicles of Narnia"

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good
And when she was bad, she was very, very popular.
                -- Max Miller, "The Max Miller Blue Book"

There was a man who enjoyed playing golf, and could occasionallly put up
with taking in a round with his wife.  One time (with his wife along) he
was having an extremely bad round.  On the 12th hole, he sliced a drive
over by a grounds-keepers' shack.  Although he did not have a clear shot
to the green, his wife noticed that there were two doors on the shack,
and there was a possibility that, if both doors were opened, he might be
able to hit through.  Without hesitation, he instructed his wife to go
around to the other side and open the far door.  Sure enough, this gave
him a clear path to the green.  He stepped up to his ball and prepared
to hit.  His wife had been standing by the far door waiting for him to
hit through.  After a moment, she became curious and stuck her head in
the doorway, to see what he was doing.  At that exact moment, the husband
cracked a three-wood that hit his wife square on the forehead, killing
her instantly.  A few weeks later, the man was playing a round at the same
course, this time with a friend of his.  Once again on the 12th hole, he
sliced his drive to the shack.  His friend suggested that he might be able
to hit through, if he was to open both doors.
        "Nah", replied the man, "Last time I did that I took a 7".

There was a phone call for you.

There was a plane crash over mid-ocean, and only three survivors were
left in the life-raft: the Pope, the President, and Mayor Daley.
Unfortunately, it was a one-man life-raft, and quickly sinking, so
they started debating who should be allowed to stay.  The Pope pointed
out that he was the spiritual leader of millions all over the world,
the President explained that if he died then America would be stuck
with the Vice-President, and so forth.  Then Mayor Daley said, "Look!
We're not solving anything like this!  The only fair thing to do is
to vote on it."  So they did, and Mayor Daley won by 97 votes.

There was a writer in 'Life' magazine ... who claimed that rabbits have
no memory, which is one of their defensive mechanisms.  If they recalled
every close shave they had in the course of just an hour life would become
insupportable.
                -- Kurt Vonnegut

There was a young man from Brazil,
And a lady who'd not take the pill,
        They lay on the sofa,
        And a <$H12{ot]{ok]{ob{o[]{oR{oK{oDpo~po~pot~poe~{ o!po~po~poq~
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There was a young man from LeDoux,
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

There was a young man from Verdunne.

        [Actually, there are three limericks in this series, the third one
         is about some guy named Nero.  If anyone has a copy of it, please
         mail it to "fortune".  Ed.]

There was an old Indian belief that by making love on the hide of
their favorite animal, one could guarantee the health and prosperity
of the offspring conceived thereupon.  And so it goes that one Indian
couple made love on a buffalo  hide.  Nine months later, they were
blessed with a healthy baby son.  Yet another couple huddled together
on the hide of a deer and they too were blessed with a very healthy
baby son.  But a third couple, whose favorite animal was a hippopotamus,
were blessed with not one, but TWO very healthy baby sons at the conclusion
of the nine month interval.  All of which proves the old theorem that:
The sons of the squaw of the hippopotamus are equal to the sons of
the squaws of the other two hides.