Freebsd Fortunes 6

Two Finns and a penguin are sitting on the front porch of a large house.  The
penguin is dripping in sweat; his owner looks down and says to the other Finn,
"Hey Urho, I want that you should take the penguin to the zoo, okay?"  The
owner then runs off to the sauna.  When he gets out of the sauna, he looks
up at the porch, and sure enough, there is Urho and the penguin, sweating
away.  So he yells out "Hey, Urho, I thought I told you to take the penguin to
the zoo, I did."  And Urho yells back "Yup, and tomorrow we're going to
the movies!"

Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his
barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
        "One thing about Jim," the other said to the bartender, "he sure
knows when to stop."

Two heads are better than one.
                -- John Heywood

Two heads are more numerous than one.

Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was
performing her normal housekeeping routines.  She was interrupted by
British soldiers who, rallying to the call of their supervisor, General
Hughes, sought to gain control of the voter registration lists kept in
her home.  Masking her fear and thinking fast, Mrs. Chine quickly divided
a nearby apple in two and deftly stored the list in its center.  Upon
entering, the British blatantly violated every conceivable convention,
and, though they went through the house virtually bit by bit, their
search was fruitless.  They had to return empty handed.  Word of the
incident propagated rapidly through the region.  This historic event
became the first documented use of core storage for the saving of registers.

Two is company, three is an orgy.

Two is not equal to three, even for large values of two.

Two men are in a hot-air balloon.  Soon, they find themselves lost in a
canyon somewhere.  One of the three men says, "I've got an idea.  We can
call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices to the
end of the canyon.  Someone's bound to hear us by then!"
        So he leans over the basket and screams out, "Helllloooooo!  Where
are we?"  (They hear the echo several times).
        Fifteen minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo!
You're lost!"
        The shouter comments, "That must have been a mathematician."
        Puzzled, his friend asks, "Why do you say that?"
        "For three reasons.  First, he took a long time to answer, second,
he was absolutely correct, and, third, his answer was absolutely useless."

Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate.  The first man said,
"This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation."  The second man said,
"He bit it himself."  Nasrudin withdrew to his chambers, and spent an hour
trying to bite his own ear.  He succeeded only in falling over and bruising
his forehead.  Returning to the courtroom, Nasrudin pronounced, "Examine
the man whose ear was bitten.  If his forehead is bruised, he did it himself
and the case is dismissed.  If his forehead is not bruised, the other man
did it and must pay three silver pieces."

Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.