Freebsd Fortunes 6

The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.

The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first
female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,
rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what
would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my
career.
                -- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

The course of true anything never does run smooth.
                -- Samuel Butler

The courtroom was pregnant (pun intended) with anxious silence as the
judge solemnly considered his verdict in the paternity suit before him.
Suddenly, he reached into the folds of his robes, drew out a cigar and
cermoniously handed it to the defendant.
        "Congratulations!" declaimed the jurist.  "You have just become a
father!"

The covers of this book are too far apart.
                -- Book review by Ambrose Bierce.

The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
                -- John McNulty

The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas
Instruments.
                -- Credits from the PBS program ``The Creation of the Universe''

The Crown is full of it!
                -- Nate Harris, 1775

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should therefore
be hushed.  A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be
propagated.  If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to declare war
and they are screened at once from scrutiny. ...  In war, then, as in peace,
assert the freedom of speech and of the press.  Cling to this as the bulwark
of all our rights and privileges.
                -- William Ellery Channing

The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the
words to a song -- it's that they know them *all*.
                -- Susan Dooley