Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Wednesday January 7, 2015

High heels are a device invented by a woman who was tired...
High heels are a device invented by a woman who was tired of being kissed on the forehead.

A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; ...
A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; But she read science fiction And died of constriction Attempting a Moebius strip. -- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology"

A busy young lady named Gloria Was had by Sir Gerald...
A busy young lady named Gloria Was had by Sir Gerald du Maurier And then by six men, Sir Gerald again, And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There was a young lad - name of Durcan Who was always jerkin'...
There was a young lad - name of Durcan Who was always jerkin' his gherkin. His father said, "Durcan Stop jerkin' your gherkin Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

There was a young sailor from Brighton, Who remarked to...
There was a young sailor from Brighton, Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one." She replied, "'Pon my soul, You're in the wrong hole; There's plenty of room in the right one."

There was a young sapphic named Anna Who stuffed her friend's...
There was a young sapphic named Anna Who stuffed her friend's cunt with banana, Which she sucked, bit by bit, From her partner's warm slit, In the most approved lesbian manner.

There was a young soldier from Munich Whose penis hung down...
There was a young soldier from Munich Whose penis hung down past his tunic, And their chops girls would lick When they thought of his prick, But alas! he was only a eunuch.

There was an old hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in...
There was an old hermit named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave. He said "I'll admit I'm a bit of a shit, But look at the money I save."