Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of May, 2015

Augustus, for slpashing his soup, Was put for the night on...
Augustus, for slpashing his soup, Was put for the night on the stoop; In the morning he'd not Repented a jot, And next day he was dead of the croup. -- Edward Gorey

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on...
There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on a tandem. At the peak of the make She jammed on the brake And scattered his semen at random.

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, While wiping his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

I'm going to live forever, or die trying! --...
I'm going to live forever, or die trying! -- Spider Robinson

If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes...
If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. -- Thomas De Quincey

If you're going to America, bring your own food...
If you're going to America, bring your own food. -- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"