Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Monday March 30, 2015

A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; ...
A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; But she read science fiction And died of constriction Attempting a Moebius strip. -- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology"

An aesthete from South Carolina Had a cock that tickled like...
An aesthete from South Carolina Had a cock that tickled like China, But while shooting his load It cracked like old Spode, So he's bought him a Steuben vagina.

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a sailor named Gasted, A swell guy, as long...
There once was a sailor named Gasted, A swell guy, as long as he lasted, He could jerk himself off In a basket, aloft, Or a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead.

There was a young man from Lynn Whose cock was the size of...
There was a young man from Lynn Whose cock was the size of a pin. Said his girl with a laugh As she felt his staff, "This won't be much of a sin."

Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have...
Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.