Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday February 28, 2007

The trouble with a lot of self-made men is that they worship...
The trouble with a lot of self-made men is that they worship their creator.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is...
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. -- Oscar Wilde

What did ya do with your burder and your cross? Did you carry...
What did ya do with your burder and your cross? Did you carry it yourself or did you cry? You and I know that a burden and a cross, Can only be carried on one man's back. -- Louden Wainwright III

A beetling young woman named Pridgets Had a violent abhorrence...
A beetling young woman named Pridgets Had a violent abhorrence of midgets; Off the end of a wharf She once pushed a dwarf Whose truncation reduced her to fidgets. -- Edward Gorey

A pretty young boy known as Kevin Was raped in a pasture...
A pretty young boy known as Kevin Was raped in a pasture by seven Lascivious beasts (Oh, those Anglican priests) And such is the Kingdom of Heaven.

Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.

Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who...
Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"? -- Hattie McDaniel

... Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled...
... Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.

Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing...
Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read. -- Frank Zappa

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? A: With...
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? A: With a blue-elephant gun. Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant? A: Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue-elephant gun.

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug? A: ...
Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug? A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back. Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator? A: There's a footprint in the mayo. Q: How can you tell if two elephants...