Freebsd Fortunes 4

Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside.
Her voice was little more than a whisper.
        "Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to make
before I go.  I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe...
I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Charles.  And it was I who
forced your mistress to leave the city.  And I am the one who reported
your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S..."
        "That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second thought,"
whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."

Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!

jogger, n:
        An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.

John                    Dame May                Oscar
Was Gay                 Was Whitty              Was Wilde
But Gerard Hopkins      But John Greenleaf      But Thornton
Was Manley              Was Whittier            Was Wilder
                -- Willard Espy

John Birch Society:
        That pathetic manifestation of organized apoplexy.
                -- Edward P. Morgan

JOHN PAUL ELECTED POPE!!

(George and Ringo miffed.)

John the Baptist after poisoning a thief,
Looks up at his hero, the Commander-in-Chief,
Saying tell me great leader, but please make it brief
Is there a hole for me to get sick in?
The Commander-in-Chief answers him while chasing a fly,
Saying death to all those who would whimper and cry.
And dropping a barbell he points to the sky,
Saying the sun is not yellow, it's chicken.
                -- Bob Dylan, "Tombstone Blues"

Johnny Carson's Definition:
        The smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs
        in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the
        taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

Johnson's First Law:
        When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
        most inconvenient possible time.

Johnson's law:
        Systems resemble the organizations that create them.