Freebsd Fortunes 4

Lobster:
        Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are
squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only
proper method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked.
The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea
floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs.  Grasp the lobster
behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say,
"Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a
scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural
apparatus you call a memory!"  The lobster will squirm noticeably.  It may
even take a swipe at you with one of its claws.  Incorrigible.  Pop it into
the pot.  Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will
be, too.
                -- Dave Barry

Lobster:
  Everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are squeamish
  about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only proper
  method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
  guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're
  cooked.  The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on
  the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs.  Grasp the
  lobster behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty
  eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then
  flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will
  refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a memory!"  The lobster will
  squirm noticeably.  It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws.
  Incorrigible.  Pop it into the pot.  Justice has been served, and shortly
  you and your friends will be, too.
                -- Cooking: The Art of Turning Appliances and Utensils
                   into Excuses and Apologies

Lockwood's Long Shot:
        The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street
        aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.

Logic doesn't apply to the real world.
                -- Marvin Minsky

Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.

Logic is a pretty flower that smells bad.

Logic is a systematic method of coming
to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Logic is the chastity belt of the mind!

Logicians have but ill defined
As rational the human kind.
Logic, they say, belongs to man,
But let them prove it if they can.
                -- Oliver Goldsmith

LOGO for the Dead

LOGO for the Dead lets you continue your computing activities from
"The Other Side."

The package includes a unique telecommunications feature which lets you
turn your TRS-80 into an electronic Ouija board.  Then, using Logo's
graphics capabilities, you can work with a friend or relative on this
side of the Great Beyond to write programs.  The software requires that
your body be hardwired to an analog-to-digital converter, which is then
interfaced to your computer.  A special terminal (very terminal) program
lets you talk with the users through Deadnet, an EBBS (Ectoplasmic
Bulletin Board System).

LOGO for the Dead is available for 10 percent of your estate
from NecroSoft inc., 6502 Charnelhouse Blvd., Cleveland, OH 44101.
                -- '80 Microcomputing