Freebsd Fortunes 4

I hold your hand in mine, dear, I press it to my lips,
I take a healthy bite from your dainty fingertips,
My joy would be complete, dear, if you were only here,
But still I keep your hand as a precious souvenir.

The night you died I cut it off, I really don't know why,
For now each time I kiss it I get bloodstains on my tie,
I'm sorry now I killed you, our love was something fine,
So until they come to get me I will hold your hand in mine.

                -- Tom Lehrer, "I Hold Your Hand In Mine"

I hope you're not pretending to be evil while
secretly being good.  That would be dishonest.

I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?
                -- Raoul Duke

I just ate a whole package of Sweet Tarts and a can of Coke.
I think I saw God.
                -- B. Hathrume Duk

I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels].
He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial
and said he'd be glad to appear as a character witness on my behalf if I
ever needed one.  Needless to say, I readily agreed.
                -- Thomas King Forcade, publisher of "High Times"

I just got out of the hospital after a
speed reading accident.  I hit a bookmark.
                -- S. Wright

I just know I'm a better manager when I have Joe DiMaggio in center field.
                -- Casey Stengel

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
                -- Bill Hoest

"I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
"Did you ever see a doctor?"
"No, just spots."

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day.
I haven't had time for tobacco since.
                -- Arturo Toscanini