Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday August 26, 2015

You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow...
You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More-- This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More-- You are permanently confused. -- Dave Decot

You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close...
You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to metal objects which are not fastened down.

A petulant man once said, "Pish, Your cunt is as big as...
A petulant man once said, "Pish, Your cunt is as big as a dish." She replied, "Why, you fool, With your limp little tool, It's like driving a pin with a fish."

There was a young lad name of Durcan Who was always jerkin'...
There was a young lad name of Durcan Who was always jerkin' his gherkin. His father said, "Durcan! Stop jerkin' your gherkin! Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

There was a young lad named McFee Who was stung in the balls...
There was a young lad named McFee Who was stung in the balls by a bee He made oodles of money By oozing pure honey Every time he attempted to pee.

There was a young lady at sea Who complained that it hurt...
There was a young lady at sea Who complained that it hurt her to pee. Said the brawny old mate, "That accounts for the state Of the cook and the captain and me."

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos...
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants, I come before you to stand behind you To tell you of something I know nothing about. Next Thursday (which is good Friday), There will be a convention held in the Women's...

The common cormorant, or shag, Lays eggs inside a paper...
The common cormorant, or shag, Lays eggs inside a paper bag; The reason, you will see, no doubt, Is to keep the lightning out. But what these unobservant birds Have failed to notice is that herds Of bears may come with buns And steal the bags to hold...