Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday February 20, 2019

There was a young lady named Brent With a cunt of enormous...
There was a young lady named Brent With a cunt of enormous extent, And so deep and so wide, The acoustics inside Were so good you could hear when you spent.

A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply,...
A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply, and subtract. But this output can be No more than debris, If the input was short of exact. -- Gigo

There once was a girl from Madras Who had such a beautiful...
There once was a girl from Madras Who had such a beautiful ass - It was not round and pink ( as you bastards think ) But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.

There once was a girl named Irene Who lived on distilled...
There once was a girl named Irene Who lived on distilled kerosene But she started absorbin' A new hydrocarbon And since then has never benzene.

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There was a young harlot from Kew Who filled her vagina with...
There was a young harlot from Kew Who filled her vagina with glue. She said with a grin, "If they pay to get in, They'll pay to get out of it too."

There was a young lady from Wooster Who complained that...
There was a young lady from Wooster Who complained that too many men gooster. So she traded her scanties For sandpaper panties, Now they goose her much less than they used 'ter.

There was a young man of St. John's Who wanted to bugger...
There was a young man of St. John's Who wanted to bugger the swans. But the loyal hall porter Said, "Pray take my daughter! Those birds are reserved for the dons."

There was a young parson of Harwich, Tried to grind...
There was a young parson of Harwich, Tried to grind his betrothed in a carriage. She said, "No, you young goose, Just try self-abuse. And the other we'll try after marriage."

There was a young peasant named Gorse Who fell madly in love...
There was a young peasant named Gorse Who fell madly in love with his horse. Said his wife, "You rapscallion, That horse is a stallion -- This constitutes grounds for divorce."

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would...
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely get your Feet wet. Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your face. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"