Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday May 28, 2019

A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; ...
A burlesque dancer, a pip Named Virginia, could peel in a zip; But she read science fiction And died of constriction Attempting a Moebius strip. -- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology"

A despairing old landlord named Fyfe, With a frigid...
A despairing old landlord named Fyfe, With a frigid and quarrelsome wife, Let his third-story front, To a willing young cunt, Who supplied him a new lease on life!

A tutor who tooted a flute Tried to tutor two tutors to toot ...
A tutor who tooted a flute Tried to tutor two tutors to toot Said the two to the tutor: "Is it harder to toot or To tutor two tutors to toot"

A vengeful technician named Schmitz Caused a disk drive to...
A vengeful technician named Schmitz Caused a disk drive to go on the fritz. He covered the platter With bats' fecal matter. Now it's seek time is really the pits.

(Halley's comment.)
(Halley's comment.)

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive...
I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride...