Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of January, 2020

I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because...
I was working on a case. It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a desk. Then I saw her. This tall blond lady. She must have been tall because I was on the third floor. She rolled her deep blue eyes towards me. I picked them up and rolled...

A chap down in Oklahoma Had a cock that could sing La Paloma, ...
A chap down in Oklahoma Had a cock that could sing La Paloma, But the sweetness of pitch Couldn't put off the hitch Of impotence, size and aroma.

A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine...
A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine. On the twenty-third stroke The goddam thing broke And beat both his balls to a creame.

There was a girl from Aberystwyth Who brought grain to the mill...
There was a girl from Aberystwyth Who brought grain to the mill to get grist with. The miller's son Jack Laid her flat on her back And united the organs they pissed with.

There was a young person of Kent Who was famous wherever...
There was a young person of Kent Who was famous wherever he went. All the way through a fuck, He would quack like a duck, And he crowed like a cock when he spent.

"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often...
"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar." -- Mark Twain

77. HO HUM -- The Redundant ------- (7) This hexagram...
77. HO HUM -- The Redundant ------- (7) This hexagram refers to a situation of extreme --- --- (8) boredom. Your programs always bomb off. Your wife ------- (7) smells bad. Your children have hives. You are working ---O--- (6) on...

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!! You brute! ...
AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!! You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.