Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of March, 2020

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

There was a young lady from Wheeling Who had a peculiar...
There was a young lady from Wheeling Who had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back And tickled her crack And pissed all over the ceiling.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos...
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants, I come before you to stand behind you To tell you of something I know nothing about. Next Thursday (which is good Friday), There will be a convention held in the Women's...

Say it with flowers, Or say it with mink, But whatever...
Say it with flowers, Or say it with mink, But whatever you do, Don't say it with ink! -- Jimmie Durante

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork...
The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash

The one L lama, he's a priest The two L llama, he's a beast...
The one L lama, he's a priest The two L llama, he's a beast And I will bet my silk pyjama There isn't any three L lllama. -- O. Nash, to which a fire chief replied that occasionally his department responded to something...

Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.

If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys...
If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.

MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been...
MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.

Rules: (1) The boss is always right. (2) When...
Rules: (1) The boss is always right. (2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.