Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of August, 2020

A busy young lady named Gloria Was had by Sir Gerald...
A busy young lady named Gloria Was had by Sir Gerald du Maurier And then by six men, Sir Gerald again, And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.

A charmer from old Amarillo, Sick of finding strange heads...
A charmer from old Amarillo, Sick of finding strange heads on her pillow, Decided one day That to keep men away She would stuff up her crevice with Brillo.

A cowhand way out in Seattle Had a dooflicker flat as...
A cowhand way out in Seattle Had a dooflicker flat as a paddle. He said, "No, I can't fuck A lamb or a duck, But golly! it just fits the cattle."

There once was a queen of Bulgaria Whose bush had grown hairier...
There once was a queen of Bulgaria Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier, Till a prince from Peru Who came up for a screw Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel Who said, "They...
There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel Who said, "They can all go to hell! What they do to my wife -- Why it ruins my life; And the worst is they all do it well."

There was a young poet named Dan, Whose poetry never would...
There was a young poet named Dan, Whose poetry never would scan. When told this was so, He said, "Yes, I know, It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved...
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. -- Donald Knuth

You will be awarded some great honor.
You will be awarded some great honor.

Dijkstra probably hates me (Linus Torvalds, in kernel/sched.c)
Dijkstra probably hates me (Linus Torvalds, in kernel/sched.c)

"Twas bergen and the eirie road Did mahwah into patterson:...
"Twas bergen and the eirie road Did mahwah into patterson: "Beware the Hopatcong, my son! All jersey were the ocean groves, The teeth that bite, the nails And the red bank bayonne. that claw! ...