Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of July, 2020

Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment?
Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment?

There once was a man from Calcutta Who used to beat off in...
There once was a man from Calcutta Who used to beat off in the gutta The heat of the sun Affected his gun And turned all his cream into butta!

There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years...
There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years for his chance; Then he muffed it...

Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time...
Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.

Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers...
Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Of all the words of witch's doom There's none so bad as which...
Of all the words of witch's doom There's none so bad as which and whom. The man who kills both which and whom Will be enshrined in our Who's Whom. -- Fletcher Knebel

Police: Good evening, are you the host? Host: No. Police:...
Police: Good evening, are you the host? Host: No. Police: We've been getting complaints about this party. Host: About the drugs? Police: No. Host: About the guns, then? Is somebody complaining about the guns? Police: No, the noise. Host: Oh,...

There was a young man from LeDoux, Whose limericks stopped...
There was a young man from LeDoux, Whose limericks stopped at line two. There was a young man from Verdunne. [Actually, there are three limericks in this series, the third one is about some guy named Nero. If anyone has a copy of it,...

A certain young person of Ghent, Uncertain if lady or gent, ...
A certain young person of Ghent, Uncertain if lady or gent, Shows his organs at large For a small handling charge To assist him in paying the rent.