Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of November, 2020

"This is a country where people are free to practice their...
"This is a country where people are free to practice their religion, regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys ..."

Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity...
Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. -- Richard Nixon

. And of TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman...
. And of TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a blazer.

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed...
Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -- George Bernard Shaw

If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to...
If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.

OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything.
OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything.

University, n.: Like a software house, except...
University, n.: Like a software house, except the software's free, and it's usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell you how to fix it, and ...

Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human...
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house. -- Lazarus Long

Feeling amorous, she looked under the sheets and cried,...
Feeling amorous, she looked under the sheets and cried, "Oh, no, it's Microsoft!"

A cautious young fellow named Tunney Had a whang that was worth...
A cautious young fellow named Tunney Had a whang that was worth any money. When eased in half-way, The girl's sigh made him say, "Why the sigh?" "For the rest of it, honey."