Freebsd Fortunes 5

Poorman's Rule:
        When you pull a plastic garbage bag from its handy dispenser
        package, you always get hold of the closed end and try to
        pull it open.

Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history of the
Church, reigning for two hours and six minutes on 1 April 1866.  The white
smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before it dawned
on the assembled multitudes in St. Peter's Square that his name had hilarious
possibilities.  The crowds fell about, helpless with laughter, singing

        Half a pound of tuppenny rice
        Half a pound of treacle
        That's the way the chimney smokes
        Pope Goestheveezl

The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of laughter
streaming down their faces.  The event set a record for hilarious civic
functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron Hans Neizant
Bompzidaize was elected Landburgher of Koln in 1653.
                -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

Populus vult decipi.
[The people like to be deceived.]

Porsche; there simply is no substitute.
                -- Risky Business

POSITIVE:
        Being mistaken at the top of your voice.

Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.
                -- Ryan

Post proelium, praemium.
[After the battle, the reward.]

Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.

Potahto' Pictures Productions Presents:

        SPUD ROGERS OF THE 25TH CENTURY: Story of an Air Force potato that's
left in a rarely used chow hall for over two centuries and wakes up in a world
populated by soybean created imitations under the evil Dick Tater.  Thanks to
him, the soy-potatoes learn that being a 'tater is where it's at.  Memorable
line, "'Cause I'm just a stud spud!"

        FRIDAY THE 13TH DINER SERIES: Crazed potato who was left in a
fryer too long and was charbroiled carelessly returns to wreak havoc on
unsuspecting, would-be teen camp cooks.  Scenes include a girl being stuffed
with chives and Fleischman's Margarine and a boy served up on a side dish
with beets and dressing.  Definitely not for the squeamish, or those on
diets that are driving them crazy.

        FRIDAY THE 13TH DINER II,III,IV,V,VI: Much, much more of the same.
Except with sour cream.

Potahto' Pictures Productions Presents:

        THE TATERNATOR: Cyborg spud returns from the future to present-day
McDonald's restaurant to kill the potatoess (girl 'tater) who will give birth
to the world's largest french fry (The Dark Powers of Burger King are clearly
behind this).  Most quotable line: "Ah'll be baked..."

        A FISTFUL OF FRIES: Western in which our hero, The Spud with No Name,
rides into a town that's deprived of carbohydrates thanks to the evil takeover
of the low-cal Scallopinni Brothers.  Plenty of smokeouts, fry-em-ups, and
general butter-melting by all.

        FOR A FEW FRIES MORE: Takes up where AFOF left off!  Cameo by Walter
Cronkite, as every man's common 'tater!