Freebsd Fortunes 5

Seems like this guy wanders into a rural outfitting store in Alaska,
and starts talking to a rather grizzled old man sitting by the cash
register.
        "Hear ya got a lotta' bears 'round here?"
        "Yeah, you could say that," answers the old man.
        "GRIZZLIES?!?!"
        "A few."
        "Got any bear bells?"
        "What's that?"
        "You know, them little dingle-bells ya put on yer backpack so
bears know yer there so's they can run away ...  I'll take one fer black
bears, and one fer them grizzlies.  Say, how do you know yer in grizzly
country, anyhow?"
        "Look fer scatt.  Grizzly scatt's different from black bear scatt."
        "Well now, what's IN grizzly scatt that's different?"
        "Bear bells."

Seems that a pollster was taking a worldwide opinion poll.
Her question was, "Excuse me; what's your opinion on the meat shortage?"

In Texas, the answer was "What's a shortage?"
In Poland, the answer was "What's meat?"
In the Soviet Union, the answer was "What's an opinion?"
In New York City, the answer was "What's excuse me?"

Seems this fellow was suffering from terrific headaches, and went to his
doctor about it. The physician made a number of tests, and informed the man
that the only thing for his headaches was castration.  After a few more
months, the headaches became so intense that the man agreed to the operation.
Naturally enough, the ruination of his sex life depressed him tremendously,
and he decided to purchase a new wardrobe to make himself feel better.
He enters a men's clothing store and a salesman wanders over, looks him
up and down, and says, "Well, let's start with shirts... 15 neck, 34 sleeve."
        The guy is amazed.  "How'd you know?"
        "Well, I've been here nearly 30 years, and I can tell sizes within
a quarter inch on every piece of clothing."  The salesman's claim is borne
out.  Slacks, 34 waist, 32 inseam; jacket: 42 long.  And so on and so forth.
When the man has been completely outfitted he decides that he'd better buy
some new underwear.
        The salesman looks at him and says, "Okay, that'll be a 34."
        "No, that's wrong," says the man.  "I've always worn a 32."  The
salesman insists, pointing out his accuracy so far.  The man argues, agreeing
that while he's been right so far, he has always worn a 32 in shorts.
        Finally in exasperation, the salesman says, "Listen, I tell you,
you *have* to wear a 34.  Otherwise, you'll get these *awful* headaches."

Seems this guy showed up at a party, and all of his friends jumped for
Joy.  But she sidestepped, and they missed.

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!
                -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)

Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine:
        Ice Cream cures all ills.  Temporarily.

semper en excretus

SEMPER UBI SUB UBI!!!!

Send some filthy mail.

Sendmail may be safely run set-user-id to root.
                -- Eric Allman, "Sendmail Installation Guide"