Freebsd Fortunes 6

This must be morning.  I never could get the hang of mornings.

This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
                -- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"

This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with
great force.
                -- Dorothy Parker

This one is for all you military types.  For those who don't know, Rangers
are *extremely* well trained members of the U.S. Army.  Marines are people
who start out as normal soldiers and then are made to believe that bullets
don't actually hurt.
        One day a platoon of Marines are on patrol when they come upon a
Ranger relaxing on top of a small hill. The Ranger puts his hands on his
hips and screams out, "Do any of you seaweed sucking jarheads think you're
man enough to take me on?"
        The biggest Marine comes running up the hill, screaming back at the
Ranger.  When he gets to the top he simply plows into his foe and the two
tumble down the other side of the hill, out of sight.  There is the sound of
a horrendous fight for a moment or two, and then all is quiet.  Soon, the
Ranger reappears, quite untouched.  He puts his hands on his hips and sneers,
"Well, looks to me like one of you couldn't do it, how about the rest?"
        The enraged Marine platoon leader sends his entire platoon (30+men)
charging after the Ranger.  They all go tumbling down the far side of the hill.
After 15 minutes of screaming and yelling and cursing a lone, bloodied Marine
crawls over the top of the hill. The platoon leader yells up to his man,
"What's going on up there?" The wounded Marine, with his last bit of breath,
replies, "Sir, it's a... a trap, sir.  They're two of them!"

This place just isn't big enough for all of us.  We've
got to find a way off this planet.

This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this:  most of
the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.  Many
solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were
largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper,
which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of
paper that were unhappy.
                -- Douglas Adams

This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
something child-like.
                -- Forbes Burkowski, CS, University of Washington

This product is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited.  Some
assembly may be required.  Batteries not included.  Contents may settle during
shipment.  Use only as directed.  May be too intense for some viewers.  If
condition persists, consult your physician.  No user-serviceable parts inside.
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.  Not responsible for direct,
indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error
or failure to perform.  Slippery when wet.  For office use only.  Substantial
penalty for early withdrawal.  Do not write below this line.  Your cancelled
check is your receipt.  Avoid contact with skin.  Employees and their families
are not eligible.  Beware of dog.  Driver does not carry cash.  Limited time
offer, call now to insure prompt delivery.  Use only in well-ventilated area.
Keep away from fire or flame.  Some equipment shown is optional.  Price does
not include taxes, dealer prep, or delivery.  Penalty for private use.  Call
toll free before digging.  Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product
appear for identification purposes only.  All models over 18 years of age.  Do
not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.  Postage will be
paid by addressee.  Apply only to affected area.  One size fits all.  Many
suitcases look alike.  Edited for television.  No solicitors.  Reproduction
strictly prohibited.  Restaurant package, not for resale.  Objects in mirror
are closer than they appear.  Decision of judges is final.  This supersedes
all previous notices.  No other warranty expressed or implied.

This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his
mother's side.  I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry
often have little else to sustain them.  Humoring them costs nothing and
adds happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
                -- Lazarus Long

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