Freebsd Fortunes 6

The first and almost the only Book deserving of universal attention is
the Bible.
                -- John Quincy Adams

All the good from the Saviour of the world is communicated through this Book;
but for the Book we could not know right from wrong.  All the things desirable
to man are contained in it.
                -- Abraham Lincoln

... the Bible ... is the one supreme source of revelation of the meaning of
life, the nature of God and spirtual nature and need of men.  It is the only
guide of life which really leads the spirit in the way of peace and salvation.
                -- Woodrow Wilson

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
                -- Abbie Hoffman

The first Great Steward, Parrafin the Climber, was employed in King
Chloroplast's kitchen as second scullery boy when the old King met a tragic
death.  He apparently fell backward by accident on a dozen salad forks.
Simultaneously the true heir, his son Carotene, mysteriously fled the city,
complaining of some sort of plot and a lot of threatening notes left on his
breakfast tray.  At the time, this looked suspicious what with his father's
death, and Carotene was suspected of foul play.  Then the rest of the King's
relatives began to drop dead one after the other in an odd fashion.  Some
were found strangled with dishrags and some succumbed to food poisoning.  A
few were found drowned in the soup vats, and one was attacked by assailants
unknown and beaten to death with a pot roast.  At least three appear to have
thrown themselves backward on salad forks, perhaps in a noble gesture of
grief over the King's untimely end.  Finally there was no one left in Minas
Troney who was either eligible or willing to wear the accursed crown, and
the rule of Twodor was up for grabs.  The scullery slave Parrafin bravely
accepted the Stewardship of Twodor until that day when a lineal descendant
of Carotene's returns to reclaim his rightful throne, conquer Twodor's
enemies, and revamp the postal system.
                -- Bored of the Rings, "Harvard Lampoon"

The first guy that rats gets a bellyful of slugs in the head.  Understand?
                -- Joey Glimco, trade unionist

The first guy that rats gets a belly-full of slugs in the head.
Understand?
                -- Joey Glimco

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half
by our children.
                -- Clarence Darrow

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents,
and the second half by our children.
                -- Clarence Darrow

The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence,
and the second the triumph of hope over experience.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

The first requisite for immortality is death.
                -- Stanislaw Lem