Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Thursday November 15, 2007

We don't need no indirection We don't need...
We don't need no indirection We don't need no compilation We don't need no flow control We don't need no load control No data typing or declarations No link edit for external bindings Hey! did you leave the lists alone? ...

WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being...
WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

When in doubt, do it. It's much easier to apologize than...
When in doubt, do it. It's much easier to apologize than to get permission. -- Grace Murray Hopper

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong...
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde

While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect...
While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.

Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless...
Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility with?

Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again...
Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"

You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about...
You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency. -- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle"

You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're...
You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're not planning on coming back down. -- Oliver Warbucks, "Annie"

You know what they say -- the sweetest word in the English...
You know what they say -- the sweetest word in the English language is revenge. -- Peter Beard

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't make eight cats pull...
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't make eight cats pull a sled through the snow.

Everyone *knows* cats are on a higher level of existence...
Everyone *knows* cats are on a higher level of existence. These silly humans are just to big-headed to admit their inferiority. Just think what a nicer world this would be if it were controlled by cats. You wouldn't see cats having waste...

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't...
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. -- August Strindberg

If you have received a letter inviting you to speak at...
If you have received a letter inviting you to speak at the dedication of a new cat hospital, and you hate cats, your reply, declining the invitation, does not necessarily have to cover the full range of your emotions. You must make it clear that...

There are many intelligent species in the universe, and they...
There are many intelligent species in the universe, and they all own cats.