Freebsd Fortunes 4

If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.
                -- Nora Ephron, "Heartburn"

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

If puns were deli meat, this would be the wurst.

If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.
                -- Tom Wicker

If researchers wrote nursery rhymes...

Little Miss Muffet sat on her gluteal region,
Eating components of soured milk.
On at least one occasion,
        along came an arachnid and sat down beside her,
Or at least in her vicinity,
And caused her to feel an overwhelming, but not paralyzing, fear,
Which motivated the patient to leave the area rather quickly.
                -- Ann Melugin Williams

If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on television with
pool cues, who would win?
        1) Ricky Schroder
        2) Gary Coleman
        3) The television viewing public
                -- David Letterman

If sarcasm were posted on Usenet, would anybody notice?
                -- James Nicoll

If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of
arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical
world.  One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by
the use of the mathematics of probability.
                -- Vannevar Bush

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many
books on how to?
                -- Bette Midler