Freebsd Fortunes 4

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are
all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were
swimming.
                -- Jack Handey

If you had better tools, you could more
effectively demonstrate your total incompetence.

If you had just one moment to live
And they granted you one special wish
Would you ask for something
Like another chance.
                -- Traffic, "The Low Spark of Hi Heeled Boys"

If you hands are clean and your cause is just
and your demands are reasonable, at least it's a start.

If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.

If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.
                -- Bette Davis

If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.

If you have received a letter inviting you to speak at the dedication of a
new cat hospital, and you hate cats, your reply, declining the invitation,
does not necessarily have to cover the full range of your emotions.  You must
make it clear that you will not attend, but you do not have to let fly at cats.
The writer of the letter asked a civil question; attack cats, then, only if
you can do so with good humor, good taste, and in such a way that your answer
will be courteous as well as responsive.  Since you are out of sympathy with
cats, you may quite properly give this as a reason for not appearing at the
dedication ceremonies of a cat hospital.  But bear in mind that your opinion
of cats was not sought, only your services as a speaker.  Try to keep things
straight.
                -- Strunk and White, "The Elements of Style"

If you have seen one city slum you have seen them all.
                -- Spiro Agnew

If you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it.