Freebsd Fortunes 4

If your bread is stale, make toast.

If your enemy is buried in quicksand up to his neck, pull him out.
If he is buried up to his eyes, step on his head.
                -- Niccoli Machiavelli, "The Prince"

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does,
I guess you do have a problem.
                -- Richard Bach, "Illusions"

If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.

If your mother knew what you're doing,
she'd probably hang her head and cry.

If your parents don't have kids, neither will you.

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no
longer be fantasies.
                -- Fran Lebowitz

If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a
piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw.
                -- W.C. Fields

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real
embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
                -- Jack Handey

If you're careful enough, nothing
bad or good will ever happen to you.