Freebsd Fortunes 4

It's very inconvenient to be mortal -- you never
know when everything may suddenly stop happening.

IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or
    equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to
    spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
        Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it
        inevitably unsuccessful.
 V. All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
        Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel
        them directly away from the earth's surface.  A spooky noise or an
        adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to
        the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole.
        The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding
        auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.
VI. As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.
        This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a
        character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of
        altercation at several places simultaneously.  This effect is common
        as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled.  A "wacky"
        character has the option of self-replication only at manic high
        speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.
                -- Esquire, "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", June 1980

I've already told you more than I know.

I've always considered statesmen to be more expendable than soldiers.

I've always felt sorry for people that don't drink -- remember,
when they wake up, that's as good as they're gonna feel all day!

I've always made it a solemn practice to never
drink anything stronger than tequila before breakfast.
                -- R. Nesson

I've been in more laps than a napkin.
                -- Mae West

I've Been Moved!

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
                -- Totie Fields

I've been on this lonely road so long,
Does anybody know where it goes,
I remember last time the signs pointed home,
A month ago.
                -- Carpenters, "Road Ode"