Freebsd Fortunes 4

I always turn to the sports pages first, which record people's
accomplishments.  The front page has nothing but man's failures.
                -- Chief Justice Earl Warren

I always wake up at the crack of ice.
                -- Joe E. Lewis

I always will remember --               I was in no mood to trifle;
'Twas a year ago November --            I got down my trusty rifle
I went out to shoot some deer           And went out to stalk my prey --
On a morning bright and clear.          What a haul I made that day!
I went and shot the maximum             I tied them to my bumper and
The game laws would allow:              I drove them home somehow,
Two game wardens, seven hunters,        Two game wardens, seven hunters,
And a cow.                              And a cow.

The Law was very firm, it               People ask me how I do it
Took away my permit--                   And I say, "There's nothin' to it!
The worst punishment I ever endured.    You just stand there lookin' cute,
It turns out there was a reason:        And when something moves, you shoot."
Cows were out of season, and            And there's ten stuffed heads
One of the hunters wasn't insured.      In my trophy room right now:
                                        Two game wardens, seven hunters,
                                        And a pure-bred gurnsey cow.
                -- Tom Lehrer, "The Hunting Song"

I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent
person, you will not sell me another book.

I am a computer.
I am dumber than any human and smarter than any administrator.

I am a conscientious man, when I throw
rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.
                -- Ogden Nash, "Everybody's Mind to Me a Kingdom Is"

I am a deeply superficial person.
                -- Andy Warhol

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend
than be one.
                -- Clarence Darrow

I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.
                -- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)

I am America's child, a spastic slogging on demented
limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.
                -- Burt Lanier Safford III, "An Obscured Radiance"