Freebsd Fortunes 4

I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on
the same day.  Then that night, they burned the wheel.
                -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always
end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows."  Then they would get
embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and
they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
                -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

I bet you have fun chasing the soap around the bathtub.
                -- Princess Diana, to a one-armed war veteran during
                   a visit to a London veterans hospital

I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
                -- Stephen Wright

I braved the contempt of my friends last week and ventured out to see
Bambi, the Disney rerelease that is proving to be a hit once again in the
box office.  I was looking forward to a gentle, soothing, late afternoon
relief from the Washington Summer.  Instead I was traumatized.  As a
psycho-sexual return to the horrors of early adolescence, it couldn't be
more effective.  For the first half-hour, you're lulled into an agreeable
sense of security and comfort.  Birds twitter; small rabbits turn out to
be great conversationalists.  Pop is what Senator Moynihan would describe
as an absent father, but Mom's there to make you feel OK in the odd
thunderstorm.  You make great friends, fool around on the ice, discover
the meadow, generally mellow out.  Then, without any particular warning,
your mom gets shot, your voice breaks, huge growths start appearing on
your head, and your peers start heading off into the clover with the
apparent intention of having sex.  Next thing you know, the forest burns
down. If I were still eight, I think I'd prefer Rambo III.
                -- Townsend Davis

I call them as I see them.  If I can't see them, I make them up.
                -- Biff Barf

I called my parents the other night, but I forgot about the time difference.
They're still living in the fifties.
                -- Strange de Jim

I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.

I came out of twelve years of college and I didn't even know how to sew.
All I could do was account -- I couldn't even account for myself.
                -- Firesign Theatre

I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.