Freebsd Fortunes 4

I truly wish I could be a great surgeon or philosopher or author or anything
constructive, but in all honesty I'd rather turn up my amplifier full blast
and drown myself in the noise.
                -- Charles Schmid, the "Tucson Murderer"

I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.
                -- J.P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.
                -- Bill Veeck

I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.
                -- Judge Harold T. Stone

I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out.
The weatherman said "I don't understand it.  I was supposed to be 80
degrees today," and I said "Oops."

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so
I never have to go upstairs.

I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in
front of it in only eight minutes.
                -- Stephen Wright

I understand why you're confused.  You're thinking too much.
                -- Carole Wallach.

I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well.
                -- Woodrow Wilson

I use technology in order to hate it more properly.
                -- Nam June Paik

I used to be a rebel in my youth.
This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL!  But I learned.
Rebellion is simply a device used by the immature to hide from his own
problems.  So I lost interest in politics.  Now when I feel aroused by
a civil rights case or a passport hearing... I realize it's just a device.
I go to my analyst and we work it out.  You have no idea how much better
I feel these days.
                -- J. Feiffer

I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.
                -- Elvis Costello