Freebsd Fortunes 4

I will not drink!
But if I do...
I will not get drunk!
But if I do...
I will not in public!
But if I do...
I will not fall down!
But if I do...
I will fall face down so that they cannot see my company badge.

I will not forget you.

I will not play at tug o' war.
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.
                -- Shel Silverstein, "Hug O' War"

I will not say that women have no character; rather, they have a new
one every day.
                -- Heine

I wish a robot would get elected president.  That way, when he came to town,
we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
                -- Jack Handey

I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula
and Superman away.
                -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

I wish there was a knob on the TV where you could turn up the
intelligence.  They've got one called brightness, but it doesn't
seem to work.
                -- Gallagher

I wish you humans would leave me alone.

I wish you were a Scotch on the rocks.

I woke up a feelin' mean
went down to play the slot machine
the wheels turned round,
and the letters read
"Better head back to Tennessee Jed"
                -- Grateful Dead