Freebsd Fortunes 4

I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.
                -- Bette Davis, "Cabin in the Cotton"

I'd never cry if I did find
        A blue whale in my soup...
Nor would I mind a porcupine
        Inside a chicken coop.
Yes life is fine when things combine,
        Like ham in beef chow mein...
But lord, this time I think I mind,
        They've put acid in my rain.
                      --- Milo Bloom

I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.
                -- Groucho Marx

I'd probably settle for a vampire if he were romantic enough.
Couldn't be any worse than some of the relationships I've had.
                -- Brenda Starr

I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
                -- Fred Allen

[Also attributed to S. Clay Wilson.  Ed.]

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
                -- W.C. Fields

I'd rather just believe that it's done by little elves running around.

I'd rather laugh with the sinners,
Than cry with the saints,
The sinners are much more fun!
                -- Billy Joel, "Only The Good Die Young"

I'd rather push my Harley than ride a rice burner.