Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of January, 2006

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Learn something new today,...
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Learn something new today, like how to spell or how to count to ten without using your fingers. Be careful dressing this morning. You may be hit by a car later in the day and you wouldn't want...

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are the logical type...
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.

1) X=Y ; Given 2) X^2=XY ...
1) X=Y ; Given 2) X^2=XY ; Multiply both sides by X 3) X^2-Y^2=XY-Y^2 ; Subtract Y^2 from both sides 4) (X+Y)(X-Y)=Y(X-Y) ; Factor 5) X+Y=Y ; Cancel out (X-Y)...

A little kid went up to Santa and asked him, "Santa,...
A little kid went up to Santa and asked him, "Santa, you know when I'm bad right?" And Santa says, "Yes, I do." The little kid then asks, "And you know when I'm sleeping?" To which Santa replies, "Every minute."...

All my friends are getting married, Yes, they're all growing...
All my friends are getting married, Yes, they're all growing old, They're all staying home on the weekend, They're all doing what they're told.

Mr. Jones related an incident from "some time back"...
Mr. Jones related an incident from "some time back" when IBM Canada Ltd. of Markham, Ont., ordered some parts from a new supplier in Japan. The company noted in its order that acceptable quality allowed for 1.5 per cent defects (a fairly high...

Carson's Observation on Footwear: If the shoe fits,...
Carson's Observation on Footwear: If the shoe fits, buy the other one too.

Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Flame on! -- Johnny Storm
Flame on! -- Johnny Storm

Higgins: Doolittle, you're either an honest man or...
Higgins: Doolittle, you're either an honest man or a rogue. Doolittle: A little of both, Guv'nor. Like the rest of us, a little of both. -- Shaw, "Pygmalion"