Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of December, 2006

better !pout !cry better watchout lpr why ...
better !pout !cry better watchout lpr why santa claus < north pole > town cat /etc/passwd > list ncheck list ncheck list cat list | grep naughty > nogiftlist cat list | grep...

Half the world is composed of people who have something to...
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

Never have children, only grandchildren. --...
Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal

"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing;...
"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished." -- Goethe

"Wrong," said Renner. "The tactful way,"...
"Wrong," said Renner. "The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"

Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes Of hateful soreness,...
Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn; Less dear than army ants in apple pies Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn, Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit; Like honeybees upon...

DELETE A FORTUNE! Don't some of these fortunes just drive...
DELETE A FORTUNE! Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?! Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system? You can! Just mail to "fortune" with the fortune you hate most, and we MIGHT make sure it gets expunged.

Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because...
Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.

Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to...
Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it.

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd...
I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. -- Groucho Marx