Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of August, 2006

A career is great, but you can't run your fingers through...
A career is great, but you can't run your fingers through its hair.

Preserve the old, but know the new.
Preserve the old, but know the new.

1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.
1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.

Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.

You are a taxi driver. Your cab is yellow and black, and...
You are a taxi driver. Your cab is yellow and black, and has been in use for only seven years. One of its windshield wipers is broken, and the carburetor needs adjusting. The tank holds 20 gallons, but at the moment is only three-quarters full...

"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin,...
"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to...

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each...
All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in which he was born. -- Francois Fenelon

Children are natural mimic who act like their parents despite...
Children are natural mimic who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency...
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. -- Franklin P. Jones