Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday August 28, 2012

In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your...
In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.

A pretty young lady named Vogel Once sat herself down on...
A pretty young lady named Vogel Once sat herself down on a molehill. A curious mole Nosed into her hole -- Ms. Vogel's okay, but the mole's ill.

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

The common cormorant, or shag, Lays eggs inside a paper...
The common cormorant, or shag, Lays eggs inside a paper bag; The reason, you will see, no doubt, Is to keep the lightning out. But what these unobservant birds Have failed to notice is that herds Of bears may come with buns And steal the bags to hold...